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How to Heal From Emotional Abuse

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CONTENTS

Emotional abuse is a type of psychological form that leaves no apparent scars yet profoundly affects a person’s emotional and mental health. [1] The kind of abuse may occur in different forms, such as belittling, manipulation, constant criticism, emotional neglect, and gaslighting. Regardless of the form, the effects of emotional abuse are long-lasting and may lead to challenges like persistent anxiety, poor self-esteem, and depression.

Learning how to heal from emotional abuse is crucial not only for a person’s well-being but also to break the cycle of abuse that may otherwise continue to affect future generations. While the process of emotional abuse recovery may vary from person to person, it typically involves recognizing the signs, understanding the consequences, and taking proactive measures to heal.

Emotional abuse is a type of psychological control and manipulation that, unlike physical abuse, does not leave visible scars. However, emotional abuse is well known to wound the spirit and mind. The phenomenon can be overt or subtle; however, the effects can be profoundly damaging. Emotional abuse can exist in different relationships, such as friendships, family ties, professional companionship, and romantic partnerships.

Following are some common ways in which emotional abuse may manifest:

Verbal Abuse: This may involve belittling, insulting, or constantly criticizing another person. An abuser may use words as a weapon to undermine their self-worth.
Isolation: An abuser can attempt to isolate a victim from their family members, friends, and other support systems. The aim is to make them more dependent on the abuser.
Gaslighting: This form of abuse involves forcing the victim to doubt their memory, reality, or perceptions. For instance, an abuser may twist facts, deny events, or even blame the victim for things they did not do. [2]
Emotional Neglect: This type of emotional abuse involves withholding support, love, or affection as a way to control or punish the victim. [3]
Control: Emotional abusers often try to control their victim’s life, including their social interactions, finances, and other daily routines.
Intimidation & Threats: Abusers can use threats, whether implied or overt, to scare victims or maintain power over them.

Getting over emotional abuse is necessary to live a healthy and happy life. However, to allow this, it is imperative first to understand and learn how to pick up the warning signs of emotional abuse.

Mentioned below are some common ways emotional abuse may present:

Belittling & Criticism

Emotional abusers commonly criticize their victims for their choices, appearances, or behaviors and do not hesitate to belittle them. They may name-call or insult them to manipulate or control them.

Possessiveness & Jealousy

An abuser may become jealous and accuse victims of infidelity, wishing to control every aspect of their lives.

Excessive Control

Abusers often try to control a victim’s behavior, activities, and decisions, not allowing them to live out of free will.

Silent Treatment

Ignoring or neglecting a victim is one of many ways an abuser may use to punish them.

Public Humiliation

An abuser may try to embarrass or humiliate a victim in public while using their vulnerabilities against them.

Hypercriticism

An abuser may never be satisfied with the victim and attempt to find faults in their appearance, personality, or actions.

Invalidation

Most abusers try to minimize or dismiss their victim’s feelings, making them feel as if their experiences, feelings, and emotions hold no value. [4]

Extreme Mood Swings

Emotional abusers often undergo severe mood swings. They may go from loving and charming to angry and controlling within seconds. This sudden twist can confuse the victim and make them feel like they are constantly walking on eggshells, not knowing what to expect.

Emotional abuse can be detrimental to the mind and body. If unchecked, it can significantly lower the quality of life and make an individual vulnerable to poor mental health. Following are some common impacts of ongoing emotional abuse, which can be avoided by seeking timely help and support. [5]

Poor Self-Esteem

Poor self-esteem is one of the most pervasive effects of emotional abuse. Many victims internalize the negativity they receive from an abuser, leading to self-doubt and inadequacy.

Depression & Anxiety

Chronic exposure to emotional abuse can put a person at an increased risk of depression and anxiety. Victims may constantly feel on edge and scared of the next outburst from their victim. With time, their anxiety may progress to full-blown depression, with symptoms of sadness, hopelessness, and a lack of interest taking over their lives.

Trust Issues

Emotional abuse can erode trust, not only in the abuser but also in others. Victims of emotional abuse may find it difficult to trust others, fearing that they may hurt them. These trust issues can also make it difficult for victims to form new relationships while maintaining the existing ones.

Physical Symptoms

The stress of emotional abuse can sometimes manifest physically in the form of stomach issues, headaches, poor sleep, and other stress-related symptoms.

Emotional Dysregulation

Victims of emotional abuse may find it challenging to regulate their emotions. They may experience intense mood swings, struggle to identify and manifest their feelings, or feel overwhelmed.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

In severe forms, emotional abuse may trigger posttraumatic stress disorder, a mental health issue characterized by nightmares, flashbacks, and severe anxiety.

Getting over the effects of emotional abuse involves a multifaceted approach to addressing the psychological damage while rebuilding self-esteem and moving forward. Following are some steps to include in this process:

Acknowledge the Abuse

The first step toward healing involves acknowledging the emotional abuse. This acknowledgment may be difficult, especially in cases where an abuser has manipulated and guilt-tripped the victim into believing that they are the cause. However, facing the reality and understanding that abuse is never a victim’s fault is crucial before moving to the next steps.

Seek Professional Help

Therapy is an essential component of healing from any type of abuse. A trained therapist can help victims process their experiences, learn how to regulate emotions and acquire different coping strategies. Following are some therapeutic approaches that may benefit a victim of emotional abuse:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Also known as CBT, this therapy can help individuals identify and change the negative behaviors and thought patterns that a victim may have developed due to abuse.
Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR): This therapy has been designed to manage posttraumatic stress disorder and other trauma-related issues. It involves using guided eye movements to process traumatic memories in a better way.
Trauma-Focused Therapy: This form of therapy has been designed to help victims of emotional abuse process and recover from the trauma they received at the hands of the abuser.

Build a Support System

Building a support system is essential for recovery from any type of abuse. Emotional abuse can often isolate a victim, either because they are ashamed about the ongoing abuse or because their abuser cuts them off from others. Reconnecting with family, friends, or even support groups can provide such victims emotional support to live life confidently and happily.

Support groups, in particular, can be extremely helpful in overcoming emotional abuse and its long-term effects. These groups can be joined online or in person and can connect victims with other people with similar experiences to share encouragement and validation.

Establish Boundaries

Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is imperative to heal from emotional abuse. These boundaries can protect victims from further harm while allowing them to regain control over life. Establishing boundaries may involve setting limits with an abuser, like reducing contact with them or even cutting them out entirely based on how severe the abuse is.

Remember that boundaries are not created to punish the abuser but to protect oneself. They play a significant role in restoring self-respect and regaining autonomy.

Rebuild Self-Esteem

Rebuilding self-esteem is one of the most challenging aspects of getting over emotional abuse. In most cases, an abuser has spent years decreasing their victim’s self-worth, leaving them feeling unlovable and worthless. Fortunately, it is possible to rebuild self-esteem through careful strategies such as the following:

Engaging in self-care: Taking care of emotional and physical needs is essential to build self-esteem. This may include getting enough sleep, eating well, engaging in joyful hobbies, and exercising regularly.
Practicing self-compassion: Being kind to oneself is imperative to silence the inner critic and replace the negative self-perception and thinking with positive statements.
Challenging negative beliefs: Victims of emotional abuse should work on recognizing and challenging their negative beliefs internalized from their abuser and replacing them with positive ones.
Setting achievable goals: Setting small goals restores a sense of accomplishment and boosts self-worth. These goals can be related to hobbies, personal growth, or work.

Learn to Trust Again

Learning to trust other people following an emotionally abusive relationship can be difficult but possible. The gradual process focuses on learning how to trust others and oneself. Victims of ongoing emotional abuse are likely to doubt their decision-making abilities and judgment as their abuser has been undermining their confidence for a long time. To break this thinking pattern and rebuild trust, individuals must practice trusting themselves while making minor decisions and working up to more important ones. With time, it will also get easier to trust others.

Forgive Yourself

People experiencing ongoing abuse often have a lot of shame and guilt inside. These feelings of shame may provoke them to blame themselves for the continuing abuse or feel ashamed of not being able to do something. Healing from such an abuse should involve forgiving oneself and freeing oneself from these perceived failures.

It is crucial to understand that being in an abusive relationship is not a sign of weakness. Abusers are often skilled manipulators who know how to exploit a victim’s vulnerabilities. Hence, forgiving oneself and letting go of the self-blame tendencies can help a person move forward.

Rediscover Your Identity

Emotional abusers can strip their victims of their sense of identity. Many victims spend years trying to conform to their abuser’s expectations while losing sight of their true selves in the process. Hence, healing from emotional abuse must involve rediscovering this lost identity along with values and passions.

This process of rediscovery may involve reconnecting with old interests, exploring new hobbies, and reflecting on what is significant to a victim. The aim is to reclaim autonomy in life and embrace the freedom to be oneself without any external pressure.

Stop Looking For Closure

A lot of victims of emotional abuse wait to seek closure from their abuser in the form of an explanation, apology, or acknowledgment of the harm done. However, this can be evasive, especially with emotional abusers, as most of them never take responsibility for their actions.

Many experts advise victims to let go of their need for closure in such circumstances. Doing so means accepting that an abuser may never apologize, take responsibility for what they did, or change. Instead of seeking closure from them, focus on getting it from within to make peace with the past and move forward.

Practice Mindfulness & Meditation

Mindfulness and meditation are powerful tools for healing from emotional abuse. These therapies help individuals stay grounded in the present, acquire a sense of inner peace, and manage their emotions more healthily. Regular mindfulness meditation can also improve emotional regulation, decrease stress, and boost self-awareness.

Practicing mindfulness meditation may involve simple breathing exercises, supervised meditative sessions, or simple activities like walking in nature. Regardless of the activity a person chooses, the key is to enable it to foster a sense of clarity and calm.

Remember that recovering from emotional abuse does not have to be a linear process. Some people may experience setbacks, while others may have a slower process. However, recovering and rebuilding a happy life is possible with support, perseverance, and patience.

Embrace the Journey

Remind yourself that healing is a journey instead of a destination, involving continuous growth, learning, and self-reflection. It can have good and bad days, so embrace them and continue moving forward.

Celebrate Progress

Always celebrate progress, no matter how small or big. Praise yourself for spending a day without negative self-talk, and appreciate yourself after conversing about boundary setting. Remember, every effort you make in the healing journey is worth recognizing and celebrating, and doing so will reinforce the process and encourage future growth.

Develop Resilience

Experts define resilience as the ability to bounce back from difficult times and adversity. While emotional abuse can cause a lot of damage, it can also provide a chance to establish resilience. By going through different healing challenges, an individual can emerge more robust, more aware, and better trained to handle difficulties in the future.

Help Others

For many people, healing involves helping and supporting others through similar life experiences. They may volunteer in organizations supporting abuse survivors, participate in awareness campaigns, or simply extend help and support to family members and friends struggling with emotional abuse. Helping others provides a sense of fulfillment and purpose and can reinforce one’s healing progress.

Healing from emotional abuse can be a challenging but rewarding journey. The process is multi-faceted and begins with acknowledging the abuse, followed by seeking professional help and investing in personal care to overcome the associated challenges. Simple practices like mindfulness, resilience building, and self-compassion strengthen recovery and lead to positive outcomes.

While the scars of an emotionally abusive relationship may never fully heal, they do not need to define an individual’s future. With effort, support, and time, healing, growing, and rebuilding a life that revolves around joy, love, and fulfillment is possible.

[1] Dye HL. Is emotional abuse as harmful as physical and/or sexual abuse?. Journal of Child & Adolescent Trauma. 2020 Dec;13(4):399-407.

[2] March E, Kay CS, Dinić BM, Wagstaff D, Grabovac B, Jonason PK. “It’s All in Your Head”: Personality Traits and Gaslighting Tactics in Intimate Relationships. Journal of Family Violence. 2023 Jun 23:1-0.

[3] Kumari V. Emotional abuse and neglect: time to focus on prevention and mental health consequences. The British Journal of Psychiatry. 2020 Nov;217(5):597-9.

[4] Kanj G, Hallit S, Obeid S. The relationship between childhood emotional abuse and borderline personality disorder: the mediating role of difficulties in emotion regulation among Lebanese adults. Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotion Dysregulation. 2023 Nov 21;10(1):34.

[5] Gama CM, Portugal LC, Gonçalves RM, de Souza Junior S, Vilete LM, Mendlowicz MV, Figueira I, Volchan E, David IA, de Oliveira L, Pereira MG. The invisible scars of emotional abuse: a common and highly harmful form of childhood maltreatment. BMC psychiatry

FAQs

How long will it take to heal from emotional abuse?

The time it takes to heal from emotional abuse can differ from one person to another. Remember that healing is not a linear process; progress can often come in waves. Some people may start feeling better in a few months, while others may take years to heal. Patience is the key, and understanding that recovery is unique for everyone can help a person stay motivated.

How can I know if I am healing from emotional abuse?

Some signs of healing include an ability to set boundaries, an increased sense of self-worth, reduced negative self-talk, and prevailing peace. You may also feel less anxious, more confident about your decisions, and more capable of enjoying life.

Can I forgive my abuser?

Forgiveness is entirely a personal choice and is not essential for healing. Some people may find it easier to let go of their past once they have forgiven their abusers. Others may never choose to forgive and continue recovering without it. The critical aspect is to focus on recovery and do what feels right for you.

How can I stop myself from getting into another abusive relationship?

Healing from a previous emotionally abusive relationship involves learning to pick up signs of abusive behavior. This step can be beneficial in identifying the harmful patterns and red flags in a relationship early on. It can guide you about the dynamics of a new relationship and whether or not it is safe to continue it.

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